The bottom 2 pics are from a day or two after their birth (Riley Elyse with me, then Bella Brea). The top 2 are their 1st photo shoot with daddy at 1 month. (1st pic, Riley looking at camera, Bella gazing curiously at her sister, 2nd pic, Bella’s head:).

In brief, the birth story:

Monday morning, July 26th, my water broke, but my contractions didn’t change any. I’d been dilated to 4cm for several days & had irregular contractions for weeks. After a leisurely breakfast (they don’t feed you in the hospital!!), we made the drive to Shawnee Mission Medical Center. Because regular contractions never came, they gave me an epidural around noon, then started the drugs to induce me.

After an hour or two, I was only at 5cm. Of course, the stinking doctors start talking about c-section if I don’t start dilating faster. So we sent a text to friends asking for prayer. Next time they checked I was at 7cm! Again, no change for a few hours. Again, they talk c-section. Again, we send out another prayer request. Next time they check me, I’m at 10cm and we’re rolling into the operating room! (All twins at this hospital are born in OR, just in case).

So that was around 9:30 pm. I started to get a fever just before they rolled me into OR, and let me tell you, that room was COLD! At 10:56, Riley Elyse Jackson (finally!) made her grand entrance! She was 5lb 14oz and 19 3/4 inches. Unfortunately, because her water had been broken all day long, she got a bit of my fever. So we didn’t get to hold her at all – they whisked her away to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). Bummer, but I was exhausted and getting ready for Bella to come, so was plenty distracted.

At 11:45 Isabelle Brea Jackson was born! She was 6lb 7oz and 18 inches. Because she was a bit bigger than her sister, it was just as tough getting her out. But thankfully, she was healthy, so we got to hold her a bit there in the OR. So beautiful!

Chad went to the NICU to see the girls right away while I recovered a bit. At 2:30am they wheeled me in to see my babies. Now, I’ve never been much of a baby person…could take them or leave them, honestly. But wow, when they’re your own…it really is different. I had no idea I could love these 2 little people so much, when they had done nothing to win me over, and I really barely knew them. Yes, I’m sure it’s partly because of God’s hormone cocktail he mixes for new moms, but I think it also goes deeper than that. God gives us the smallest glimpse of how powerful and unearned his love is for us.

So I’ve been thinking on that a bit more lately. I’m a firm believer in original sin, and I know quite well that my beautiful little girls are also little sinners. As they grow more independent, they will also reveal their rebellious hearts at times (just like me & you and everyone else). But as their mom, I don’t dwell on that. I don’t walk around meditating on the glimpses of selfishness I already see in them at times. I think on how beautiful their eyes are, how fun it is that they are smiling now! and wondering about what kind of women they will be some day.

Sometimes I think we Christians (meaning me) presume God is always meditating on our sin (with a scowl). Of course he’s aware of it, and of course he’s far from impressed by it. But if we are in Christ, we are a new creation, and are slowly becoming all that God always intended for us. If I as a sinful mom find myself relishing in the beauty of my little girls, how much more must God find joy in us (his creation), and enjoy watching us become who he always intended us to be?

Just a thought. And feel free to comment on the theological accuracy or inaccuracy of it, as I haven’t really pondered what scriptural support I have for this. Maybe I’ll do that at my next 3am feeding:).

More later. For now, my bed is calling.

I promise we will update you on our 2 beautiful girls, soon! They are now 1 month old, growing well. For the moment, wanted to share this great video clip on how church is supposed to work.

3rd Trimester - 32ish weeks

And I want to brag on how sovereignly kind God has been to us throughout these 9 months. In the most miserable part of my pregnancy (1st trimester), I didn’t have to work much at all. I was able to lie on our couch, read, sleep. And yet in the moments when I needed strength/energy to host friends or work, I felt exceptionally well.

As we transitioned into my 2nd trimester, we began the process of moving out of our loft. It was a whole ordeal, but God provided free storage space for our stuff while we stayed a couple months with Chad’s sister and looked for a home. It was perfect to have all this activity in the blessed 2nd trimester when I felt pretty darn good. In that season God provided the perfect house for us to buy – just a few blocks from the Art Institute, our church, and several parks. It’s a beautiful little home on an exceedingly friendly block in the heart of midtown KC. Should God call us overseas in the coming years, we should have no problem renting it out.

In the 2nd trimester, he also provided the perfect job for me with CrossWorld. They needed temporary admin assistant help – someone to tied them over for 3 months until they were ready to hire full time employees here in KC. Perfect!! April – June I worked for our Director, Paul. It seemed like a great fit for everyone, and they were so gracious and understanding of my “condition” .

God also arranged Chad’s work perfectly. The month we moved into our house his workload was pretty light, so he was able to get us settled in way faster than I expected. Then, the month I had to back off my work at CrossWorld because of the babies, his workload increased. In that same month, God prompted some of our supporters to give us a generous gift which was a HUGE help.

We’ve had 3 baby showers and many other friends have provided tons of baby clothes and gear to help us get ready for the girls. And now, when I feel so uncomfortable and marvel at my fat cankles, I’m again free from work, and even have the assistance of not only my wonderful husband, but my service-oriented mom as well.

God has been very, very good to us.

E-Vite for Perspecives on the Crossroads

Hi all,

I am sooo proud to announce that my amazingly talented husband will have his first show in the 1st Fridays Art Walk TONIGHT!! It is titled “Perspectives on the Crossroads” and features creative perspectives on various iconic structures in downtown Kansas City and especially the Crossroads area. We hung all the pics yesterday & will put on the finishing touches today.

You are welcome to join us! Here are the details, in case the image above is too small.

Where: Urban Living Center
1705 Baltimore Ave
Kansas City, MO
When: 5:00 – 9:00pm **note! Invite above is wrong, we’ll be there until 9:00.
Why: do I need to answer this? ok, for kicks: because my husband has amazing talent, because we would love to see you again, because we’ll have food and drinks, because God is please when we reflect his image by our creativity, because the raininess is supposed to subside from 5:30-8:30, because 1st Fridays is a FREE date with that special someone!! Hope that’s enough reason.

That’s all for now. Hope to see you tonight!!

Many of you know Chad and I have tried to start a family for 5 years with no luck. Now it seems God is making up for lost time! In December we learned we are pregnant with twins. Yikes! Answers to standard questions: no, it doesn’t run in my family genetically. No, we weren’t on hormone therapies. And yes, as of last week, we do know the sexes. We will have 2 girls! (or ‘women’ as the male sono tech described them).

So for most of the last 2 months I was pretty miserable, and Chad was busy pampering me. He has been a HUGE support and has curbed me from taking unnecessary risks like walking on ice (hard to avoid this winter!), enjoying even the scent of alcohol, or bending over to clean anything. Yeah, he’s pretty cautious, but I love him for it.

The next question we usually get is “How will this affect your plans to go to France?” If the twins were the only X-factor in our journey to France, they probably wouldn’t change our plans much at all. But God, in his sovereignty, has determined that at this point in time, we don’t have teammates to go with, and we are still far short of our financial support goal. Considering all those things, we decided with our Director at Crossworld that we will hang tight in Kansas City for the next 2 years, get used to being parents and invest in our church and community. At the end of that time we will reassess where we believe God is leading. If it seems to be France, we are AOK with that and ready to role. If not, we trust God will make his will clear.

So what will we do in the meantime, you ask? Chad will continue to pursue his career as a freelance professional photographer, and he is also exploring the possibility of working at Crossworld’s headquarters in some kind of creative role. You may remember that Crossworld is moving their HQ from Philly to Kansas City this spring. I will be feeding, burping, and changing babies and hopefully sleeping a little:). I am not shy about receiving help, so if you want to swing by and lend a hand, feel free!!! I also hope to keep investing in the lives of women at Redeemer and in KC in general. And Chad & I will continue to pursue connecting with artists in our church and community.

So I think that answers most of the preliminary questions. Oh, except this one: technically I am due August 13, but thankfully my OB won’t let me go past the end of July with twins. And really, I figure any time in July is fair game for the kiddos to make their grand entrance into the world.

How you can pray:
1. For healthy babies that grow to love God with all their hearts.
2. For discernment as we pursue various job opportunities and housing options.
3. For adequate health care coverage, as our COBRA ends in July (hows that for timing?)
4. For grace to trust God with these new lives – and our own.

Here’s my belly at the end of the 1st trimester. I’m even bigger now!

We’ll share more soon.

First, I’ve attached my Culture Making book review for those who are interested.

Next, I’m reading a book called Crazy Love, and it alerted me to the following video, which I thought worth posting here.

(If the audio isn’t good on this one, try watching it here.)

And finally, a thought on horizons. In Culture Making, Crouch makes the argument that the cultural artifacts we create set the horizons of what is possible. For instance, the interstate highway system made some things possible that weren’t before (traveling across country in days), but it has made other things nearly impossible (traveling by horseback, or at least horse & buggy).

I found it interesting that in the first week of working here at Blacktop Creative, I felt more creative. Just being in this environment seemed to broaden the very narrow horizons of my creativity, inspiring me to write  witty emails and arrange the coasters on the lunch room table in unique shapes & piles. Little things, for sure, but for a task-completion guru like myself, significant.

For me, this experience supported Crouch’s proposition. It’s not just what we believe or do that changes the world. It’s also what we create. The culture that has been intentionally developed here at Blacktop broadens the horizons of what is possible creatively. In previous work environments, I felt no such inspiration, and even working at home in our gorgeous loft didn’t bring that about to the same degree. But being in a place where humble, creative collaboration is the norm did.

So in case you haven’t picked up on this yet, we think creativity matters.

I think one of the things that has caught my attention as we continue developing our skills as artists and relationships within our artistic neighborhood, is that I have been SO guilty of thinking of Culture with a capitol C as if there was really only one culture. Of course we always think there are several other cultures outside of our country, and perhaps we would dare to venture out and say that there are sub cultures here within our country, but most people would stop short of stating that their are LOTS of cultures all around us in our daily lives. But if we think about it, it really is true.

Currently, we live in the Crossroads Arts District near downtown Kansas City, but previously we lived out in the burbs south of town. If you would have asked me several years ago if there were different cultures all around me, I would have probably said “maybe, but not really sure… no.” But I can tell you from experience, that moving to the Crossroads, its clearly a different culture down here from the burbs of KC. Not in any bad way either, in fact after living here for over a year and getting plugged into our community, I have to say I MUCH prefer this culture to anything KC has ever had to offer. Furthermore, if you travel just a FEW blocks north past 670, you enter into a different culture altogether…the downtown culture which has a completely different vibe, hustle and bustle, and people groups than the Crossroads. Westport is only 5 minutes south of here and is also a very well known art community, but even between the two art communities, there is a distinct difference.

So What’s Your Point?!

What’s my point?  Just to say that even within one city, or section of a city, or specific communities like an art community, there are little culture’s all around us. The culture at Mildred’s Coffee House in the Crossroads is different than Broadway Cafe in Westport, which is different than Latte Land on the Plaza which is different than Scooter’s downtown. We all live in pockets of culture, not just one Culture.

As an artist, I dont need to influence the whole of culture, I only need to influence the culture that Im in, the folks who are all around me everyday, the folks who I am already developing relationships with, friendships with, and artistic partnerships with. This is the culture that I can not only relate with, but influence. If I see something in my cultural world that could use help, I dont have to wait for the government, or some pop culture idol, or humanitarian aid foundation to do something, I can make a difference and impart a positive change in my cultural worlds precisely because I am a part of it, related to it, and engaged in it.

What about your cultural worlds? Do you know what they are? Are you engaged in them or avoiding them?

But what we have lacked is earnest effort to create and cultivate.

As some of you know, I started a job at Blacktop Creative last week. No, they don’t lay asphalt. Rather they are a creative branding agency that seeks to use great design to connect their clients’ brand messages to their audience, industries & the world. Just as the blacktop we drive on connects us with people, so great design connects a client with the people who would want his product or service.

It is owned by three Christian men who have done an amazing job living out what Andy Crouch writes about. First of all, they each spent years cultivating the culture that currently exists, working as employees in other creative firms. I don’t know this, but I imagine during that time they learned to be faithful caretakers of someone else’s vision and creative offering to the world. They learned the industry, and in the midst of that came creative inspiration of their own to build an agency that contributed something new to the culture of advertising.

I’ve just been at Blacktop 1 week, and here is what I perceive to be their creative contribution:

Humble collaboration.

Though Shawn, Mike & Dave are clearly the owners and final decision makers, they make every effort to keep Blacktop a place where everyone’s contribution matters. And it doesn’t just matter, it is essential. Everyone is expected to offer what they have to the projects they are working on, as well as to the company as a whole. Since I’ve been here I’ve heard several times that what makes Blacktop great is the people who work here, and the synergy that is among them. Their sum is greater than their parts. They are careful to choose employees who have both amazing talent and the right personality/temperament to fit well with the other 20+ creatives who make up Blacktop.

And since I’ve been here I’ve heard the owners say several times that anyone is welcome & encouraged to come by their desks – whether to say hi, share about a joy or challenge in his/her personal life, or voice a celebration or concern about their work at BTop. And even better, I see Shawn, Dave & Mike do that very thing to the employees, approaching them, asking about their weekend, etc. They have even taken an interest in me, the temp receptionist, which I think says a lot.

I’m also impressed by how the architecture of their building supports this value. They moved into this location a year & a half ago, and were personally involved in the remodeling. No one has a full office, including the 3 owners. Everyone has a very hip-looking cubicle, adding to the collaborative, open feel. The conference room has 2 glass walls, which in my mind reveals that there may be private conversations here, but no secret ones. And finally, the break area. They have a full kitchen, which I LOVE because I don’t have to use a microwave ever. And a humongous picnic table with 2-ton wood benches taken from an old barn and transformed by Shawn into our lunch seating. Most days a good number of the staff eat their homemade or restaurant-purchased lunches at the table with lively discussion.

But in the midst of creating a unique culture of humble collaboration, they have maintained a high quality of work that has won them around 50 awards in their 8 years of existence – and this in city that ranks 4th in advertising dollars spent, with only New York, LA & Chicago out spending them, so the awards carry significant value. The point being, they didn’t undervalue the culture that was already existing by pursuing a Christian value of humble collaboration but accepting mediocre work. They valued the culture of their field, and added an element to it that has brought greater integrity.

So yet again, I am amazed at God’s power and intimate concern to give me a hands on, real-life experience to solidify a lesson he is teaching me. I’m not just reading about culture making, I’m seeing it lived out well. Thanks be to God.

My sis, Teri, and I

In the midst of all of that, God gave me yet another lesson on why art matters.

At church, Kevin preached another vivid sermon on our compulsion toward and the futility of idolatry (See sermon titled Idolatry #1). By idolatry, I don’t mean bowing down to a wooden carving (although it could be that). Idolatry is much broader. I can “bow down” to anything in life. My husband, my own image, my desire for a perfect marriage or kids, control, money, comfort. Anything we sacrifice for and find ourselves constantly thinking about is likely our idol. As Kevin pointed out, we devote ourselves to these things thinking they will deliver for us, that soon our sacrifices to our idols will bring peace, prosperity, etc, but they never do. Instead, our idols end up controlling and destroying us. Just like addictions.

That evening Teri & I, filled with nostalgia from our former dancing days, attended the So You Think You Can Dance tour at the Sprint Center. I loved it, in spite of the cheesy “between dances” commentary they added in. The performances communicated so much, especially Addictions by Kayla and Kupono. It was a brilliant display of the power addictions have over us. I’ve watched it 3 more times this morning as I write this blog and find myself weeping every time, longing for greater freedom in my own life, and for those I love.

As we walked home afterwards, my sister insightfully noted that anything can have addiction-like control over us, it doesn’t have to be a substance. A few days later, as we drove her to the airport, she & I noted how “task accomplishment” can often be our addiction. We see there is so little profit in it at times, and yet we can be driven to finish. For myself, the approval of others can be a huge idol/addiction.

And here is one reason why art matters. Though Kevin’s sermon was amazing, the unfortunate truth is that I will forget much of it within a matter of weeks. But because God connected that sermon with this performance, I won’t forget the deception of idolatry/addiction. Though my idol may promise me the world, it will leave me empty and despairing, like Kayla in the performance.

And here is why preaching matters. Though the dance solidified a truth about addiction in my heart, it didn’t give me a solution. Is there any hope to be free?

Absolutely. Listen to Kevin’s sermon for the full answer, but here’s what God gave me yesterday as I was reading my Bible. Acts 17:16:34 is also about idolatry, but verse 25 nails it.

“nor is he (God who made the world) served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.”

Do you see the difference? Every idol we serve promises the world, gives us nothing, and takes our soul. But God gives. He gives LIFE! He gives breath. He gives everything. If you keep reading, he even gave his own son to die on a cross in our place. We all worship & serve something/someone. But only One is worthy of our worship. Only One keeps his promise to give life. When we serve him, we receive life and can shed our idols.